in the memory of you, mom !!

Is raining heavily out there and i'm still missing you, mom.

I still can't accept that you're gone, you left me, you left this family.

I keep searching and imagining if you were at home and what were you doing.

I miss the way you lye on the sofa and watch tv.

Whenever i think of you, my tears just fall.

I can't control myself from missing you.

You will always be my great mommy.

I don't used to it when i wanna go out and there is no one in the house to tell now and no more you waiting for me to come back home.

Nobody keeps nagging and calling me to go back earlier.

I miss all these thingsss!!

I need you, mommy!

a pic of you, kor and me.

3years back. taken in usm when we were sending kor to USM.

When i was 7-8years old.

Taken in 3rd aunty's house in Jawi.

December, 1996.

Taken in Singapore.

Year 2005.

Taken at 3rd aunty's house.

Cousin's wedding.

Year 2009.

Taken at Bukit Merah.

Year 2009.

Taken at uncle's house, Taiping.

Aunty's birthday.

Year 2011.

Family Dinner.

pls: i miss your smiles, mommy! :'(

Year 2011.

Our last family pic!

Mom, how are you?

I know i ain't a good daughter sometime as i being so rebellious.

Sorry mom.

I know there is no more chance to say sorry to you anymore but do accept my apology if you can read this.

Still remember last month you were asking me, 'if you were gone then how will i do?'

Then i answered you, 'i will cry until die!'

And now i'm really crying until die.

Mommy...

I promise i'll study hard and graduate and put on the robe one day.

I will make you proud.

I promise i will take good care of myself.

Mommy...

I hope you are doing well now as well.

Take care, alright?

Pls: i love you mommy!

i break

stop asking me whether i'm alright? are you okay? how are you doing? ...

cuz i'm not okay at all !!

i'm tired of telling i'm alright. no worries. i'm tough. i can overcome and so on !! ...

pls: i love you and i miss you, mom !!

sky blue !!

i had been dumping my blog for decades already i suppose. lol.

i don't know what to write actually as everytime i clicked on the 'new post' and i was stunned and my hands were numb.

Well, i guess this will be another random post which is so called everything is in, 'rojak' !! ahahaha.

For all the months passed, everything seemed to be ups and downs.

Seriously, i never really taken any fresh air in facts i'm suffocating for air.

Bad things seem just didn't want to stop hunting me. or i should say they keep following me no matter where i go. what can i do actually? hmmm.. i have no idea.

Yesterday morning i went to jog by myself.

WOW ~ i should be shouting it out.

I enjoyed the breeze of cold air blowing toward me when i was moving forwardly.

It's super awesome.

I can actually rest my mind and my soul as well.

I thought alot while busying moving my legs.

I learnt how to calm down myself and changed my perspective in viewing the matters around me.

I was convincing myself not to be too stubborn or thinking narrowly as everything is gonna be alright if i keep myself positively.

Usually people will be saying take a deep breath and relax yourself so that you can walk a longer journey.

Now finally i understand.

It's a new life starting, perhaps? :)

pls: let go. don't have to be so stubborn :)

Reborn

Finally...

After so many years of long hair!!

I had a freaky haircut today!!

From this...

Become this...
I know it's very short now, but i guess it's time to have a new look already.
and it's the first time i dyed the brightest color ever in my entirely life.

and i feel nice cuz i look fairer with it :)

Pls: I gave myself a present before my 21st birthday :)
Saying hello to my 21st !!!

it's just random

What's love actually? Well, i don't know. lol. Yea, seriously i don't know what's that. Or maybe you should say that i'm dumb enough that's why i don't know.
I see people putting in a relationship with who and who in facebook. Well, at first i felt it's so nice and sweet to put the relationship so publicly as everyone gets to know you are owned or your love is being owned so just f**king stay away from my love. But time passed slowly, i feel that it's too 'open' to others to know about your relationship status as for me i think is quite privately enough cuz it's a thing that between you and him or you and her. When you put in a relationship with someone then people will automatically comes comment or congrats about that. But what if when your relationship is blowing off? Then people will eventually comes 'kepo' about it and asking why then this and that. alot of bullshit will be coming out.
So, if i were them i wont listed it out if i'm owned also. It's a thing between both of us. It's all about both of us. I don't see any ideas that it must listed so publicly.

Maybe you are gonna think i'm weird but i just feel none of this needs.

Well, it's been so long i never blog already. I have been catching up with alot of dramas. My life everyday is just about dramas. non-stop. keeping myself in the room for the whole day with the lappy on my bed and watching dramas.

I know it's lifeless. But i just couldn't find any other ways to cheer myself up.

I wish i could be a better wan.

I ain't perfect but i'm trying my best to be a better wan.

I just hope everything is gonna be fine :)

Pls: i watched a horror movie just now with the family. and i was to timid until i hide myself sitting at the corner while keep peeking to look what's going on inside the movie. It's so scary. I swear no more horror movie ever in my life. and it's still fresh in my mind. Ewwww~ i hate it!!

I'm awaken

Life is just too short sometime.

pls: I love you more than anything.

nightmare returns

Life is m-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e, isn't it?

pls: tell me everything is going to be alright :'(